Autographgate: In Which the Media Makes an Appearance

Finally! Some news has come out today regarding the autograph that has Vermont's more actively engaged lefty voters looking at Progressive candidates for the US House in 2008. As in Progressive with a capital "P." As in, say, David Zuckerman, or Zephyr Teachout, or someone who will not actively seek the autograph of the President that they purport to loath. As in, someone besides Peter Welch.

That's right, the Rutland Herald has reluctantly brought to light what is rapidly becoming the most visible symbol of ole' Welchie's real "new direction." That is, if the new direction is a bee-line to the autograph section after the SOTU. As we remarked upon yesterday, clear video footage shows Welchie angling in line to meet Bush, reaching his copy of the speech out to the President, then beaming, child-like, as the POTUS returns his warm handshake. If you're a hawkish, neo-con type, this is just great. If, however, you ran your entire campaign on your opposition to the President, you're kind of, how should we put this: screwed.

All of which makes the Herald story surprisingly blase. What, we at WW were thinking, could be the explanation that Welch would give when asked why he would want an autograph from the man he so loved to hate all last Summer, the man who supposedly makes his blood boil? Oh, it's for his nephew. That's the explanation, his nephew! Let us at WW be the first to ask it: does this make sense?

There are a number of reasons that, simply put, it does not. First, why would Welchie's nephew want such a token? Has he not been listening to his distinguished uncle when it comes to all of the bad things that Bush has done?

Second, if the autograph was for his nephew, then why did he not only get the signature, but then hang around shaking hands with the Pres, giving him a thumbs up, and then basking in his glow after Bush passes by, as the video so clearly shows? There are simply no explanations for these discrepancies.

Surprisingly, however, the Herald article succeeds in creating even more confusion about what is clearly an embarrassing incident for Welchie. This stems from the explanation his press-secretary offers, and here we quote directly. He says that Welchie getting the autograph of Bush, who he has literally made a career out of bashing, "is like being a Red Sox fan at Fenway and getting Derek Jeter's autograph." Just let that sink in a bit: OK, let's move on.

This last quote is so earth-shatteringly vapid that it is difficult to approach from a rational standpoint. We seem to recall that Welchie is a Sox fan, which makes it even worse. Any Fenway-goer worth their beer at the Cask & Flagon knows that getting Jeter's autograph at a Sox game would be tantamount to treason. We at WW, baseball fans all, know this first hand. If we were sitting at Fenway, guzzling beers and downing Fenway Franks, and one of our fellow Sox fans came back to the cheap seats, prized Jeter signature in hand, we don't know how we would react. It certainly wouldn't be good. Also, this is baseball we're talking about people. Not, ahem, the future of our nation.

Really, this little incident says more about Welch than his penchant for historical documents, his nephew's interest in Bush, or any autograph oriented point. Really, it gets to the heart of what many have thought about Welchie for a long time, but few have said because of their desperate hope of getting someone in Congress to, ironically, oppose Bush: he doesn't care. That's right, it's all about politics, the trappings of power, stature, power and glory. We hate to burst your bubble, but that's what it comes down to. Welch doesn't just heart Bush, Welch hearts Welch. Think about it.

The guy has been running for something for the duration of his life. He ran for the House twice, Lite Guv, state senate, state house, and almost any office he thought he had a shot at. It's what he does. Now that he has finally gotten to Washington, he just can't help it. He had to be there, shakin' hands with Bush, grinnin' it up, and you know, being part of the scene. It's just in his blood to follow the cameras, he simply didn't realize that they would catch his star-gazing moment in such vivid detail.

The second noteworthy aspect of this autograph situation is that, as we can see, when Welchie is away from his handlers, he is liable to do silly things. Silly things like seek out his supposed arch-enemy for the purposes of getting his signature. This is why his campaign staff was given such a wide-berth by the media: they were so good! Never an unscripted moment, never an opportunity for Welch to wander off on his own and get into trouble. But seating is pretty limited at the SOTU. You think that his COS would have let him waltz up to Bush, right on MSNBC, and show his mug giving Bush a big thumbs up? Not a milkshake's chance at Enosberg Dairy Days.

No, what we saw on Tuesday night was pure, unadulterated Welchie. Right in the middle of things, living in the big-city, eatin at the Tabard Inn, sitting on two committee's, doing what Nancy says and generally having a great time. Just don't look for him to show one ounce of spine in actually standing up to anything that might threaten his political future. How sure are we that this is the case?

We'd sign our names to it.